Dear Katie Perry’s Chest,
I know you all were expecting me to write something political in this column being that it is Wednesday and it is the day after barry made his speech about how he was going to tax us more, take our guns and many freedoms away and give free health care, cell phones, Escalades, etc. to everyone who is on welfare, etc.….But you are wrong! There is something more pressing to discuss. After watching the Grammy’s on Sunday and experiencing the miracle that is Katy Perry’s Chest I have come to the realization that if Katy Perry’s Chest would have ran on the 2012 ticket they would have won in a land slide. Imagine how better the world would be if this would have happened. Cartman’s stunt double who also moonlights as the leader of a 3rd world country whose biggest aspiration was to land a Disney Park would no longer be saber rattling with the threat of nuclear tests if when he looked up at Katy Perry’s Chest on the video monitor and they were staring at him and screaming no. Both democrats and republicans would work in harmony knowing that the angels that she is blessed with were looking over them. They are a tractor beam of hotness that no male or female can say no to. If she used them for the good of society Charlie Sheen would swear of coke and hookers, Dane Cook would admit he is as funny as a nun on a vow of silence and all the people of the world would have a heaping portion of California Rice on their plates at every meal (pardon the subliminal message). Barry, if you were to do just one thing in these next four years (and I know this does actually require you to work) it should be to have Katy Perry’s Chest deemed a National Monument so all the world can share in their vast wonder.
PS. Happy hump day peeps and enjoy that Spring weather and remember….If Timmy was always stuck in the well, who was feeding Lassie?
I know you all were expecting me to write something political in this column being that it is Wednesday and it is the day after barry made his speech about how he was going to tax us more, take our guns and many freedoms away and give free health care, cell phones, Escalades, etc. to everyone who is on welfare, etc.….But you are wrong! There is something more pressing to discuss. After watching the Grammy’s on Sunday and experiencing the miracle that is Katy Perry’s Chest I have come to the realization that if Katy Perry’s Chest would have ran on the 2012 ticket they would have won in a land slide. Imagine how better the world would be if this would have happened. Cartman’s stunt double who also moonlights as the leader of a 3rd world country whose biggest aspiration was to land a Disney Park would no longer be saber rattling with the threat of nuclear tests if when he looked up at Katy Perry’s Chest on the video monitor and they were staring at him and screaming no. Both democrats and republicans would work in harmony knowing that the angels that she is blessed with were looking over them. They are a tractor beam of hotness that no male or female can say no to. If she used them for the good of society Charlie Sheen would swear of coke and hookers, Dane Cook would admit he is as funny as a nun on a vow of silence and all the people of the world would have a heaping portion of California Rice on their plates at every meal (pardon the subliminal message). Barry, if you were to do just one thing in these next four years (and I know this does actually require you to work) it should be to have Katy Perry’s Chest deemed a National Monument so all the world can share in their vast wonder.
PS. Happy hump day peeps and enjoy that Spring weather and remember….If Timmy was always stuck in the well, who was feeding Lassie?
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